Valentine's Day: Not Just for Everyone Else

So it's Valentine's Day again, a day women with relationships can't wait for and women without them rue. A day men with relationships hope to get right and men without them do their best to ignore. It is as much a commercial holiday as Christmas has become, albeit the anticipation surrounding this holiday isn't quite the same.   But what is Valentine's day truly about? One complaint I have heard from some Christians about Christmas is that we should be celebrating Jesus all the year round, not just on this one day at the end of the year.   I think perhaps they have a valid point, though I love Christmas as much as the next person and don't think this perspective takes anything away from the joy of the holiday.  I digress.

The point is, the theme of Christmas is not one to be celebrated only once a year, but all 365. Can't we say the same for this holiday we celebrate every February 14th? But wait, you say, you've already pointed out that not every person has a significant other, someone they are "in love" with, and for this reason Vday means something different to them than it does to me! Perhaps, but I'd argue otherwise.

A couple years ago I got a tattoo, as was my wont in those days, of 1 Corinthians 13:4 (Love is patient...etc).  At the time, I'm not sure I understood the true meaning of this verse, mostly thinking it applied to the love of 2 individuals. Since then I've had ample time to wrestle with this verse, and I've come to view it in a different light.  While I still believe it applies to those closest and dearest to us, I've also realized how much more powerful, how deep, how broad sweeping these words truly are.  Christ called us to love not only those who love us, but our neighbors, our enemies, our friends. So, pretty much everyone. And if we take the definition of love that Paul gives in Corinthians, then that is quite the calling indeed. I'm not sure if there really was a St. Valentine (i bet google knows) but if there was, I bet this is more along the lines of what he would have wanted his namesake holiday to represent. To be patient with the clerk at Wal-Mart who is taking an eternity to ring you up. To be kind to the kid who just made fun of your haircut. To let that guy go ahead of you even when you're already late, cause you never know, maybe he's running late to. To not brag when you get the best grade, but to take genuine joy in the C student who squeaked out a B. To keep your cool when that guy on his cell phone cuts you off in traffic, and to let it slide when he does it again. And again. To always protect, to always trust, to always hope, to always persevere. Do these, and we can never fail.
Yeah, I think that's more like it.

Some Days

Teaching is a struggle. At least it is for me.  It's a struggle to reach each individual student, while making sure not to leave any behind. It's a struggle to keep those gifted students intellectually stimulated while making sure to not teach over the head of those who are not on the same level.  It is a struggle because on a day to day basis you are never sure of what is going to work and what is going to flop. It is a struggle because of the attitude some kids bring with them. Despite popular belief, it is not my job to be your personal entertainer on a daily basis.  It is a struggle to compete with the countless distractions at these kids' fingertips. Ipods, laptops, and cell phones are now standard issue for teenagers.  It is a struggle to overhear kids being mean, cruel, and spiteful towards each other. A week doesn't go by I'm not taken with the urge to grab a kid and ask if it is really that hard to just be kind to each other?  It is a struggle to overcome the feelings of inadequacy that creep in. Am I truly the right man for this job?

But at other times, it is a joy. At other times I am reminded why I wanted to do this in the first place. I am reminded these kids are all ready to be molded, and perhaps I am right where I need to be. At other times I am reminded of the lack of positive influences in these kids' lives. I am reminded that to be adequate is to show up, to let them know that there is someone who cares about them as people, cares about their success.  At other times I am reminded that they are just kids, and I like kids.
Some days, I really enjoy this job.

Middle School Insights

So I've been a full time teacher now for 6 months and I have an observation. Well actually I have several, but only one I'm gonna talk about today.
And it is this: Middle School kids will believe anything you tell them. And actually, you don't even have to actually TELL them something, just imply it. For example: I have my middle school kids convinced that I not only speak Samoan (which I most definitely cannot) but that I also completely understand this ridiculous little language that they made up.  The best part is, I never actually told them I understand either of these, they just assume I do.  And you may be surprised to learn I accomplished all of this without lying to them. For the most part.
"Mr. Heintz, do you speak Samoan?"
"I go to Samoan language class every week."( This was the partial truth I just referred to. I've only been to that class once, but I figured they didn't need to know that.)
"Oh, really? What kind of stuff do they teach you?"
"Oh you know, all kinds of stuff."
"Oh." They think about this for a second. Then: "Like slang and stuff?"
"Like I said, they teach LOTS of stuff." Which is true, I just don't happen to know what any of it is.

And that was it. They no longer think it's safe to speak Samoan in front of me, which is perfectly alright with me since I have no clue what they are saying.
As for the incoherent made up language, you would think convincing them of my fluency in that would have been a lot more difficult. It was however, much easier.

One day, as they were conversing across the room in this ridiculous tongue, I glared at one of my students with my best "I know what you are up to" look and simply said "Jermichael" (name changed to protect identity, and because Jermichael is a way cooler name) and to my surprise he looks at me, and then goes "Shhh! Mr. Heintz understands us!" All their heads turned in unison to look at me, and each face's expression went through a progression that can best be described as, "No way, that can't be true. But, that is so crazy, it must be true. It is true! He Knows! and finally, How the heck did you do that Mr. Heintz?!"
And as they went through this progression in their minds, I sat there smugly with a look on MY face that said, "You're dang right I know."  That's me, Mr. Heintz, vanquisher of ridiculous, incoherent, unintelligible languages.  Haven't heard a peep in that foreign tongue since.

Now they just hold their folders up over their faces and whisper so I can't see. Im confident a solution will present itself.

Wilma, I think we should just be friends.

This weekend has been a weekend of firsts. As you may or may not be aware American Samoa was visited by Tropical Cyclone Wilma this past weekend. Now, Im not really sure the difference between a Tropical Cyclone and a Hurricane, but apparently there is one.  Feel free to google it.

Anyways, we got word on Wednesday that Wilma was on her way and would be here Thursday around noon. Well noon came and went, and the skies remained clear. Well, as clear as they get here, which is actually not that clear.  Have I mentioned we get 200+ inches of rain a year?
Next thing we hear is that the Wilma will be arriving Friday morning, then it was Friday afternoon.  Friday afternoon rolled around and the skies were sunny, but none the less some schools let out early, you know, just in case Wilma happened to show up in that 30 minute window of time they were saving.

Long story short, apparently Wilma, not unlike a lot of females I've known, was on her own schedule and finally decided to show up for the dance early Sunday morning.

The worst part of it all was not actually the storm itself, but the extended amount of time Bill (my roommate) and I spent waiting for her to show up. Neither of us having experienced anything like this before, we weren't really sure of what to expect. While people around us boarded up their windows, we took a look at our crummy apartment and minimal worldly possessions and thought "What's the worst that could happen? Our stuff gets wet?"  Call us naive if you will, but all we had was a hammer, lacking the nails and boards to finish the job.  However, one issue we knew would be a problem was the fact that several of our windows hadn't been closed in years and were either rusted open or missing panes altogether. About 3 A.M. Sunday the wind was getting pretty bad and I decided I should probably do something.  So I went to war on our kitchen windows. It was ferocious 20 minute battle, with the winds raging right outside, but I finally got one of them shut. Then I went after the other one.  By the time they were both shut,  I was thoroughly exhausted and didn't really care what Wilma did anymore.  I sprawled out on the couch, threw my hood over my head in case the glass broke (yes, that was my actual thought process) and passed out. The only time I woke was an hour or so later, to the sound of Bill nailing his yoga mat to the wall over some missing window panes in his room.

And thats about it. As exciting as a Tropical Cyclone may sound, it really wasn't. Wilma toyed with my emotions, was loud, temperamental, and late, but overall I'd say she was a bit of a disappointment. Not unlike a lot of females I've known.

The State of Things

 You'll find no solutions within this post, only reflections.  I thought it would be good as well as interesting for my students to do a journal entry on a current event and so off we went to the computer lab. The assignment was to find 2 current events on any of the websites that I provided and then respond to them in their journals. Why did you find this interesting/ what caught your attention, how did it make you feel when you read it, what does it say about the state of our world, and how was it relevant to you were the questions I asked them to respond to.   I told them as writers and as human beings it was imperative that they be aware of the world around them. That we as a race of people are connected and our writing is influenced by that.

As the period waned towards lunch time I had a vague feeling it wasn't going as well as I had hoped. Audible grumbling could be heard about how they didn't care about any of the things they were finding, but I was reluctant to intervene, I didn't want to pick the articles for them. With a few minutes left we met back together in the classroom and I asked them to share a little of what they had found. The first girl to raise her hand was one of the brightest students in my class. She also has the worst attitude, and is not always eager to share, but when she does it is usually very insightful. So of course I eagerly called on her and awaited her inspired response. "China is going to the moon."......... Ah, ok. How do you feel about that? "Good." Wonderful. I would tell you the rest of the exchange but it only goes down hill from there. Needless to say I don't think she got exactly what I was going for.  Not a problem, surely someone else will have something along the lines of what im looking for. Wrong again. Ill suffice it to say that the highlight of the next few articles was a Brazilian clown getting elected to congress, or something.   I was ready to just let them go to lunch 5 minutes early when finally someone raised their hand and talked about a bombing in pakistan and the children that were killed. 

During the in-suing discussion my students came to a general consensus that we as a society are desensitized to violence and as a result it doesn't effect us. Ok I said, that makes sense, but does that make it any less horrible. I knew the answer I expected to hear, but surprisingly that wasn't the response that came out.  Yes, they said, it does.  As long as it doesn't happen to us or someone we know, we don't care about it. It doesn't effect us so why should we be concerned with it? I can honestly say that caught me off guard, not to mention it was past time to go, so all I managed to muster was, "Really? That's interesting." 

Of course after they left, countless responses sprang to mind, all of which I wanted to beat them over the head with. But as I sat and reflected I realized more and more that we are all like that to an extent.  The parade of bad news that flashes across our screens every day at the most, makes us pause and reflect, before we move on and immediately forget.  Are these kids so different from the rest of us, these children who dismiss injustice and violence so easily.  Or, are they a scaled down version of each one of us. A version without the knowledge and foresight to know the politically correct way to respond to other people's bad news. The version we don't like to admit exists. Like I said, I don't have the answer, but it's definitely something to think about.  

East Germany

As much as I would like you to believe that I am currently residing in a tropical paradise, it's not always the case.  Now it is true that the running joke here is that there is no need for a weather update, the forecast is always a High of 87, a low of 78 with a 50% chance of rain. Everyday.  So that part isn't so bad.  It's the things they don't tell you before you come, like the fact that there is no escape from the bugs. And I'm talking big ones, like starship trooper style.

Another thing about this place is that it is Anti-America in disguise.  What I mean by that is that in a lot of ways Samoa looks and smells like the U.S. I know and love but not so deep down it's everything America stands against.  For example, I was eating at Mcdonalds on saturday for breakfast so I could watch a little college football. First, I order a mcgriddle and not so shockingly the lady tells me they are out of those. Ok thats fine, sausage biscuit it is. When it arrives it has cheese on it which of course I didn't want or order.  So when I take it back and inform her of the mistake she proceeds to look at me like i'm an idiot and tell me that a Sausage Biscuit comes with cheese on it, as if it were my fault for ordering it.  I kindly say no it does not and, just to make she sure understands, I point to the picture on the board of a sausage biscuit which oddly enough, is devoid of cheese.  I guess it's difficult to argue with a picture so she reluctantly gave me a new sandwich.   Well after sitting for a while I notice that it's time for a refill.  I head to the counter cup in one hand, lid in the other, you know the universal sign that I need you to fill my drink up.  Well the the lady looks at me like "can i help you?" Yes, duh, I need a refill. Oh what's that you say? I have to pay full price for a refill? I asked her a couple times if she was being serious and unfortunately for me and the rest of Samoa, she was.  The thing that really bothers me about this though is that I have eaten at this mcdonalds before and not had to pay for a refill. That's the problem. You NEVER know what you're going to get here.  It's like they just make up the rules as they go, and then decide to change them whenever they feel like it. Ehhh were running low on ice today, oh i know let's make refills full price. Would this ever happen in America? (Oh yeah, I've taken to calling home America, thus implying that this place does not count as being american, because it doesn't) You know, there are definitely positive aspects of being the anti-america, but we'll get to those in a later post.  For now, just know how good you have it Americans, cause on this island the most american of american institutions is communist in disguise.  This must be what the red scare felt like.

Ok so the video of the virtual tour is on facebook, that's the only place I could get it to load. So Mom and Dad get Laura or Joe to pull it up for you.  In the meantime, here is a couple pics of me and Lynn on my birthday. He, Bill, David Willis and I had an engaging 2 1/2 hour dinner at the good ol Koko Bean, where the they make up for the incredibly slow service with really good food. If you notice, I'm rockin the Lebron James beard, so I've got that going for me.

So Im sitting here in class again as my students read and write away and the rain is falling gently outside the window. There is no air conditioning in my class and so the fans are always on and the windows always open and for right now it feels really nice. It will probably rain for a couple hours at most this morning, just enough to cool it off and then the sun will come out and the humidity will rise and things will be back to normal. This place is crazy like that, the mountains seem to trap the clouds and it will start pouring, almost out of nowhere, only to have them dissipate a few minutes later and have the sun shine forth again. This place really does have a special beauty, and the sad part is Im already finding myself getting used to it. I guess that is the same anywhere you live, but it seems especially a shame in a place like this. I find myself having to be reminded how blessed I am to be able to live in an environment such as this and to constantly be pro active in taking in as much as possible.

Anyways, me and Bill made a little video of our humble abode, and I do mean humble. This may not interest anyone other than my parents, and if thats the case well then you don't have to watch it. So without further ado, its Bill on the camera work and me doing the hosting.

Alright bad news. This video does not seem to want to load on here. Im going to keep working on it though, so check back later, it's totally worth it.

Talofa!

Alright, here comes my first of hopefully many more posts from American Samoa. It is currently second period of the second day of school and my 3 students are writing away about their goals for the long term, mid term, and short term future. This class is going to easily be the best behaved class I have, but also the toughest to draw out of their shells. It is made up of the advanced math students, which means that while the rest of their classmates are in algebra they are stuck with me for writing and grammar. The class is made up of 2 Korean girls and a Japanese American girl. They are all very bright, but also quiet. Coming up with activities that are going to challenge these girls as well as draw them out is going to be tough but I am up for the challenge!

Its only the 2nd day and already Im tireddddd. How do teachers do this everyday? Joe you have my respect, as if you didn't already. I do love that this is a private school because I play Acappella music for them while they work and there's not a thing anyone can do about it! They seem to like it for the most part I think so thats good, and it's uplifting to me as I can only hope it is for them as well.

P.E. yesterday was easily the best period of the day, for me at least. We are very limited on space here as far as a place to play games and such but I was able to come up with a makeshift wiffle ball field and so we played that. It was a blast. Unfortunately for me, we don't have PE every day but I suppose it will make it that much more of a treat when we do!

I'll write more about my experiences and the people I've met here in a later post but for now here are a couple pics that I managed to take with the camera on my computer. Yes, thats right, I have no camera here on this tropical island I'll be living on for the next year. Sorry!

Here's the Answer, Now what's the Question?

What's next? It's a question that we all wonder from time to time. It's a question that usually brings with it uncertainty and doubt. If you are in a place where this question seems relevant it probably means a chapter in your life is closing and the next one is waiting to be written. If this question were on a test it would be an essay question, not a math equation. What I mean by this is that there is no one way that people answer this question. The answer is not always the same. Depending on who you are and what direction you want to go in life, your answer will differ from that of anyone else's. For some people it's a nerve racking time as the answer to the question will determine the rest of their lives. I mean honestly, who wants to botch that decision? Others grab the bull by the horns so to speak, and relish the opportunity that a new direction in life yields. And the answers go on and on, a different one for every human being on the planet.

As for myself, when I think about the future my stomach seems to clench up and I lose my appetite. Not really but you get the idea. And so I've discovered a solution to handling these times and I want to share it with you. Now you may be saying " But I don't lose my appetite" and to that I say congratulations, this still applies to you. This solution I have is nothing new, in fact it's been around for thousands of years. The incredible part about that is, despite the age of this novel solution we as humans fail to use it more often than not. I am as guilty of that as anyone else I'm sad to say. But tonight, tonight was different. While I was praying tonight, about my future and what was next, I said this, " God, You know my hopes and fears, the desires of my heart. I lift those up to You, and my life is Yours to do with what you will." It's the first time those words had come out of my mouth in a long time, and I'm thankful they did. The peace that filled my heart was almost instantaneous. The things that I had been struggling with no longer seemed so insurmountable. The worldly nothingness I had been clinging to lost its appeal. Yeah, there's no doubt about it. Letting go was the best the thing I've done in a long time, and I highly recommend it.

My Retirement Plan

I've decided to write a book. I was watching Mike and Mike in the morning (thats right, watching a talk radio show on tv) and they were starting their promotion of their new book, rules on life or something like that. It got me thinking, if they can do it why can't I? It seems that writing a book is a great way to insure a quick inflow of cash, and as people will read anything these days I figured I'd give it a shot. I realize of course that this is no easy feat, as I've never written anything longer than 13 pages in my life. This of course is just one of many issues a potential author faces when beginning their masterpiece. However for me I think it will be the toughest. Source material isn't the easiest to come by which I suppose is the reason author's do months and even years of research before writing a book. I don't have that much patience. So I'm going to ask my countless fan base for help with material. Now I'm sure you are curious as to what the title of my upcoming bestseller will be. Well here's what I was thinking; "No One Told Us How Hard Our 20's Would Be." What do you think? This is where I need your help loyal readers. Tell me what it was/is about that decade of your life that took you by surprise, that ended up not going the way you planned. And if you are one of those of those people whose life is exactly where you planned it would be at this age, you're lying. So there it is, no help me out. If you're lucky I'll even include you in the source page at the back of the book.

A Look Back

Well I've taken quite the hiatus from blogging the last few months and I feel that it's time I make my comeback. I'd like to say that the reason for my extended absence was that I was incredibly busy doing incredible things, but unfortunately I can't claim that without being called a liar. Laziness and a lack of writing material are more likely to blame. Whatever the reason doesn't matter now because I'm back in business. Well it's a new year and what better way to start the new year blog off but with a review of the year thats been. This holiday season was unlike any other that I have ever experienced in that I didn't get to go home for Christmas. In fact, I barely got to celebrate Christmas at all. Nevertheless the increased alone time gave me plenty of time for reflection, time to contemplate and digest all the things that had happened throughout the roller coaster that was 2009. It never ceases to amaze me how fast a year seems to go and yet at the same time how much can happen.

I started this year in a new apartment by myself with the daunting task of student teaching ahead of me. It was my first time living alone and combined with the subject I was supposed to teach provided for an uncertain and insecure beginning to the year. I was teaching BCIS which is a computer class where students learn how to use Word, Excel, and Access. Seeing as I was far from a Word and Excel expert and had never used Access in my life you can understand why I was so nervous. Thankfully I was blessed with a fantastic Mentor teacher who could not have done more to help me be successful. She allowed me to learn at my own pace and was always in the nearby to help when I was stumped by a problem, which happened more than I care to admit. However, student teaching wasn't the only thing going on during this spring semester, we were also strongly encouraged to pass our certification tests and begin looking for jobs. It quickly became evident that the most prominent business jobs in education were mostly BCIS jobs and I've already mentioned how excited I was about that subject. Needless to say it was a stressful semester which was evidenced by the case of shingles that I contracted during that time. Meanwhile on the relationship front, while I was becoming more and more dependent upon G our relationship was being tried by various brain lapses on my part and uncertainty on hers.

When the semester finally came to an end I found myself still jobless and not quite sure where exactly I wanted to go. I was offered the youth intern job at Mid County and I must say I was very tempted to take it, but my dad in his wisdom talked me into staying in Abilene so as to be in a better position to find a job. It was an interesting summer as I felt alone at a crossroads. G was working in town as the medic at ACU camps but her job kept her very busy, not to mention our relationship at this point was very strained. I spent the summer staying up late, sleeping in late, bumming internet off my neighbors and applying for jobs online. I got a couple of interviews towards the end of the summer and they both went pretty well, but in the end I was beat out by candidates with more experience. It was disappointing and a shot to my confidence, but to be honest I wasn't sure that I was too upset about not getting those jobs. One was in San Antonio (where I know no one) and the other was in Round Rock (where I know a few people) and I wasn't sure I was ready to leave Abilene. See while G and I struggled through the summer I realized more and more how much I cared for her and the things I needed to change became clear to me. But, as happens so often in life, it was too late. She had already checked out of the relationship and the end of the summer found me jobless and girlfriendless in Abilene. Not exactly what I had envisioned when this year started.

So I started the Fall with the genius plan of substitute teaching and reffing as my sole sources of income. I believe this plan would have unraveled quickly, but thankfully God was watching out for me. I ran into a friend from club in Subway one afternoon and he told me about a job opening at the place where he worked, New Horizons. It was a night shift job but it involved working with kids so I figured I'd give it a shot. When I went in for an interview I was able to eat lunch with the entire staff and right away I felt right at home. I knew there was one other guy going for the job but I felt good about how the interview had gone and so I was confident. When the guy called offering me the job it was like a weight off of my shoulders. I finally felt secure for the first time in a while. It was like I was becoming responsible for myself, and it felt right. So I began my new life as a vampire. Not really but thats what it felt like. It was nice to have a consistent source of income and feel somewhat like an adult. I spent a lot of time in the Fall and beginning of winter hangin out with one friend in particular. We would spend hours sitting on the porch in the wee hours of the morning discussing life and wondering how it is we got here? I don't know what I would have done without those nights, but I know I'm thankful for them. As the year drew closer to its closing the holidays arrived and I was able to go home for Thanksgiving. My entire family was there this year and it was nice. It felt so good to be home, to be surrounded by family. It even felt good to walk the old familiar streets and breathe in the nostalgia. December however was a different story. As school ended for the semester the mass exodus of Abilene began. The town emptied out and with it went my friends and social outlets. So for three weeks all I had to look forward to was work. I didn't even get to go home for Christmas. In fact I worked on Christmas Eve. This however turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Since I worked Christmas Eve I got to be there on Christmas morning when the kids opened their presents. Seeing the looks of joy and happiness on their faces was a present in itself. These kids don't have a lot, but when it comes to Christmas presents they don't want for much. Thanks to generous donations from various churches and staff members, I was almost jealous of their Christmas take. Just joking, but it was good to see them so well taken care of for once in their lives. Later that day I was able to drive to Dallas and spend Christmas night with my family which was great, even though it meant not sleeping for about 30 hours straight. So anyways, there you have it. My year in a nutshell, or several nutshells. If you've stuck it out through this entire narrative, I commend you for your perseverance, and I promise this New Year will contain more frequent posts from yours truly.

Music, the fabric of our Lives

Music, the fabric of our lives. Have you ever thought about how true that statement is? Whether you consider yourself a music lover or not there is no denying the fact that music holds a special place in our hearts and memories. I let my itunes play on random tonight and with each new song came a memory or experience from the past. For me, most significant events in my life have music or a certain song tied to them. While you may not even realize it's happening at the time, when you hear the song later on it triggers a trip down memory lane. How dull would life be without music to provide a soundtrack to it? Movies wouldn't be the same, or how about a first dance? That wouldn't even exist. Just sitting her thinking about it several memories and the songs that go with them spring to mind. Every time I hear Bruce Hornsby or Bob Seeger I think of long van rides to Arkansas, Texas, and even California with my family. When I hear "Now to HIm" by Acappella I think of church banquets of so long ago. When I hear Stephen Speaks I think of the summer before I went to College and when I hear "Freshmen" by the Verve Pipe I think of the summer of '97 when my sister was an intern in St. Louis, that song played on the radio all the time that summer. When I hear "Out of my head" by Fastball I think of riding in the van on a mission trip, I requested that song so much I think Isaac Waters was ready to kill me. When I hear Cartel I think of Spring Break senior year and when I hear "This Love" I think of my roommate and sophomore year. When I hear "I have and always will" I think of one of my dearest friends. Of course the list could go on and on. So for anyone out there reading this, I am curious about your experiences, what music brings back memories for you? Do tell......

Dracula, Edward Cullen and the Like

Its been a month since my last post, an eternity in blogger world. What little readership I had has almost certainly dissipated in that amount of time, but never the less I push on. I am going to blame my long hiatus on the adjustment period of my new job and the hours it requires. But now Im all settled in and out of excuses. I'll start off with this question, have you ever wondered what its like to be a vampire? Well, if you'd like to know I can answer as far as the no sunlight coming out at night thing. You'll have to ask someone else about the bloodsucking/immortal part of it. As of yet that is beyond my experience. But seriously I really feel that I can now empathize with vampires, why they're always sneaking into people's houses, forcing themselves upon people. It can be a lonely existence, coming out only at night. If I am lucky on my days off, one or two of my friends will stay up somewhat late and hang out with me, before they succumb to weariness and head for bed, leaving me with several hours to kill alone, whether I want to be or not. It has been humbling at times, realizing how much I depend upon other people, for support, companionship, comfort and entertainment. When everyone you know is asleep the world can become a small place. While that can be the case, you'd be surprised to know there are advantages to being a creature of the night. I have learned to take advantage of the quiet hours of the night, to reflect and be quiet, to listen to what the Lord has to say. I have talked with God more these past few weeks than I had in a long time. There is not nearly as much to distract a person at night, nobody trying to get a hold of you, no place you just have to be, and sleep not a problem because hell, you just woke up. Another thing I've learned to love are sunrises. I never had an appreciation for them in the past as they usually came long before I was ready to be awake. But that's not the case these days and there is something incredible about the sunrise. The gradual lightening of the sky just before the sun breaks the horizon is the part I love most. I recommend experiencing a sunrise like this, after being awake for a while, they are much better when you're not having to wipe the sleep out of your eyes first.

Letting Go Never Felt So Good

So I recently got a new job for an organization called New Horizons (you can read about them here) which is an answer to many prayers. It got me thinking how faithful God is. For the last few months I have been praying that God would provide me with a job, wherever it may be. For the last couple weeks, even as my bank account slowly dried up, I didn't panic. Worrying about money is a new thing in my life and has caused me some stress over the last year, but somehow this time around I wasn't worried. I decided it was time to stick it out instead of running to the comfort and safety of home and I knew God would bless that decision. He never fails to provide what we need and my most pressing need was a job. I truly put myself at His mercy and trusted that He would come through, which of course He did. It is difficult to describe the peace that comes when you surrender completely as its not something I can honestly say I've done very often in life. It is so difficult to let go of your plans and say "God, my next move is up to you." Its because of that difficulty I believe the reward is so great. I truly believe Divine providence led me to this opportunity as its not a job I even knew existed before I ran into a friend in Subway who also just got a job here. I know as I go on down the road it will still be tough to submit my hopes and desires to the Lord but right now I am doing my best to give everything up to Him, and it feels incredible. The anxiety and helplessness I have so often felt about the future is not there anymore. God provides, and He will give me what I need. It feels great to let go, I would recommend it.

Moving Without Going Anywhere

So lately my life has been a little unsettled as I have been figuring out where I am going to spend the next few months of it. I wasn't able to secure a teaching position this summer and so I have been left to figure something else out. Of course I know I am always welcome at home but the house is a little crowded these days and I feel its time I made it for myself. Anyways as this post is not about my job or lack thereof I will move on to my reason for writing. I decided to stay in Abilene for various reasons and I am trying to cope with life after being a student. To feed my competitive and athletic side I am still playing flag football and as I stand out at the fields looking around I realize the amount of people I know has greatly decreased. There was a time when I would recognize every face out there but those times are gone. My time has come and gone and I am finding that I am ok with that. I am alright with being the old guy who no one knows who still plays sports. As far as friends go, I have started hanging out with a bunch of junior and senior guys in club. These guys accept me as one of their own and make me feel young again. Haha. But seriously I truly enjoy chillin and jokin around with these guys. What is truly crazy is that there is now 1 friend, yes 1, still around from my glory days in club. My roommates and best friends (besides the one) have all gone their own ways. You can find them in dallas, austin, houston, denver, and ada to name a few. I've had to make a whole new set of friends, or else just hang out by myself, which I still do a fair amount. It's like I've moved to a new city without ever actually going anywhere. It's funny because I will talk about old members of club sometimes as I would do with my friends, and these guys have no idea who I am talking about. It's at these times my new friends no longer make me feel young. That's ok though, because I am not, and that's not so bad.

7am Service

When was the last time you got to see a sunrise?  Well until this morning I would not have been able to give you an answer to that.  That changed when I was inspired to stay up for it today.  It has been a little while since I attended church on a sunday morning, not because I no longer have a faith, it's just that I haven't found a place here where I truly feel at home here.  That's pretty sad considering I've lived here combined for almost six years.  All in all it's a lame excuse I realize, but it is what it is and besides the point of this post.  Which leads me to that point, and that is rarely am I able to find God more so than when I witness him in His creation.  Sermons are Ok and I love worshipping through song but sometimes nothing can beat sitting quietly and feeling the breeze on your face and watching the sky.  Tonight I was able to witness the beauty of the night sky as well as the majesty of a rising sun.  Throughout my life I have questioned God and the way of things here on earth, but I always found it difficult to deny His existence.  It amazes me people can doubt His existence, that they can be so oblivious to his awesome creation.  Debate and discuss all you want the ins and outs of scripture, but don't question the existence of God. There is amazingly enough a cool breeze blowing this morning and the sun is rising in a beautiful spectrum of red, orange, and yellow.  And it brings to mind the scripture which discusses the beasts of the field and the flowers of the meadow and them being cared for and clothed in splendor. And how the verse goes on to say how much more God will clothe and care for us, and my troubled mind is put at ease.  The fellowship with other believers found at church is invaluable but sometimes the best Sunday morning service can be found sitting on a park bench enjoying the show. 

Friendship and the open road

I just returned to Abilene from a week long trip with my two best friends Blake and Mike in which we traveled to Paris, TN for my friend John Wilkins bachelor party and then up to St. Louis to see my new niece Opal June (named after my grandmother).  On this trip we drove about 2000 miles and logged almost 35 hours in the car.  Now to some this may seem like an unbearable amount of time in the car but to seasoned travelers such as ourselves it was just another enjoyable jaunt.  Now you may think I'm exaggerating a little bit on our extensive driving experience but let me assure you I am not.  In fact we got into a discussion about how much we have driven since we left for college 6 years ago and by our account we have made the trip between Abilene and the Lou over 40 times... each.  Multiply that by 12 hours and..... well you get the idea.  And in case you don't, thats 480 hours in the car, or 20 days.  Of course this doesn't count the youth group trips to Maine and Colorado.  Or family vacations or little weekend jaunts to Austin (4 hours away), Dallas (3), San Antonio (4), Houston (6) and Searcy (8.5).  And yes I did Searcy 3 times so it makes the list.  When you actually sit down to think about it, the amount of mileage and hours is kind of staggering.  (Not to mention the $1200 in tickets to the great state of Texas)  I've done my share of these trips alone and I enjoy driving by myself but some of the best memories from these trips is when I drove them with my friends.  Blake and Mike are two of my best friends and if there was ever any doubt of that, well I've spent 20 days in the car with them to prove it.  The car is not a conducive environment to personal space or privacy and so to spend extended time with people in that environment can be a true test of friendship, and we have passed with flying colors.  This may sound ridiculous but I think that sometimes the drive itself is more memorable than the time actually spent at your destination.  Going to school 12 hours away has not provided many opportunities to visit home and I know our parents would have been able to spend a lot less time worrying about us while en route but it has provided us with some memories.  I have driven home in a blinding rain storm where I had to stop and buy new wipers, a snowstorm in which our car did a 360 and was blinded by snow every time we passed a truck, and a trip where I left Abilene at 6 p.m. (If you're trying to avoid traffic and running your air conditioning, that is the way to go.)  There is a stigma to road trips and their declaration of independence and coming of age qualities and I would say from experience that this is one case where the stereotype hits the nail on the head.  

Help!

Ok, so some would say I am a bit of an avid reader.  I have to read at night before I go to bed so as you can imagine I go through some books.  I just bought 2 crappy books from wal mart because I ran out of books to read.  I need some suggestions... Here is a list of what I've read so far this year to give you kind of an idea of what I like to read.  And yes, when you look at what I read you could be fooled into thinking I'm a dork.  I am not, at least I don't think so.

Watchmen

Harry Potter and Sorcerors Stone

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Double Cross

The Princess Bride

Friday Night Lights  (As of Feb 22)

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (As of March 22)

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Half blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (As of May)

Dune 

The Partner by John Grisham

The Last Gunslinger by Stephen King

The Legend of Bagger Vance (As of July 20)

Ok blog fans hit me with something, I'm counting on you!

Voldemort and such

Just saw the 6th Harry Potter movie.  It was enjoyable, obviously with a few changes and things left out to keep the movie under 4 hours.  While some of the changes were kind of annoying the story didn't lose much besides maybe Harry looking a little weaker than he does in the books.  Anyways I was talking with Mike the other day, he is reading the books for the first time and is on #3, and we decided on an idea for J.K.'s 8th book.  I'm sure were not the first people to come up with this idea but let me tell you, it's a good one.  If you're not into Harry Potter you may want to stop reading now.  Anyways, for the 8th book she needs to write about the first wizarding war, the rise of Voldemort.  It could include his rise to power, creating the horcruxes, chaos in the ministry, the original order of the phoenix, ending in the betrayal and death of Harry's parents.  It would be a very interesting story while also providing useful information about a time that is only briefly covered in her original novels.  I know I know, I am a huge dork.  I'm ok with that though.  So if any of the countless people who read this blog happen to know J.K. let her know we are waiting for the day this novel hits the stores.  And if she feels like throwing any of the royalties my way I'd be ok with that too.